Jealousy In A Poly Relationship

The problem of Jealousy In A Poly Relationship is nearly always close by. Sometimes it sneaks up gradually, other times it happens fast. Sometimes the jealousy is only minor, other times it gets out of control. But the real big challenge is how you deal with it.

Jealousy is a range of emotions, and often hurt. Never attack or put down someone because they are jealous. Show respect, but be firm. When jealousy causes a problem in a poly household it needs to be dealt with fast before it gets out of control. You will need make some tough decisions on dealing with jealousy in a Poly Relationship. Sometimes you can talk with the person and get things resolved fast enough. Often it may just be something really simple that is causing the problem. At other times the jealousy has become so severe that it is best just to break off the relationship and walk away. In some cases people even go from a poly relationship back to a monogamous relationship. The choice is yours.

Jealousy is one of the most powerful human emotions, and nobody is immune to it. We all feel jealous at times, whether we’re single, in a monogamous relationship, or just dating around. But folks who chose to live polyamorous lifestyles may find that jealousy is an even bigger problem as three or more people in a relationship certainly cause more friction and more emotional turmoil than just two. And these little emotions can end up causing big problems that can create deep, painful rifts in relationships. So how do you deal with feelings of jealousy in a polyamorous relationship in a positive way?

First of all, you must realize that jealousy is unavoidable in a polyamorous relationship. It doesn’t matter how well you all get along, there will be times when one person feels left out, excluded, or less worthy than the others. Being able to identify when you’re feeling jealous is a great first step in ensuring that your emotional response doesn’t create any deeper issues. Once you’ve identified the feeling, try to figure out what triggered that emotional response. Were you feeling like you were being left out, or that you were less deserving of attention, or something else entirely? It’s important to have this source of friction identified so that you can move forward and past it.

Once the jealousy is identified, communication is key. It doesn’t matter if you feel like your worry is irrational or insignificant, you need to bring up how you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way with every member of the relationship. Communication in a polyamorous relationship is extremely important, and you need to set up a space where everyone feels comfortable and safe discussing anything they need to with no consequences. So when you’re feeling jealous, bring it up immediately for discussion. Get the opinions of every member of the polyamorous relationship, and rationally discuss why the feelings of jealousy are happening. Just talking about your feelings openly can alleviate tension, and it will certainly prevent much bigger problems in the future that stem from hiding what you’re really thinking and feeling.

Finally, make a plan to work through the jealousy with your partners. Do you need more alone time, more reassurances of your worth, more communication? Whatever it is that will alleviate your jealousy, ask for it and discuss how you can all create a better environment for each person in the group. Think of both short-term and long-term solutions, and create a plan.

Remember, everyone gets jealous. It doesn’t make you a bad person or a needy person, and you need to be able to express how you’re feeling to your partners so that the situation can get better. The more open you are with each other, the better the relationship will fare. Jealousy will happen in a polyamorous relationship, but if you are prepared and open and willing to work on it, it doesn't have to create friction or problems.

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