BDSM Mistress

The BDSM community is full of terminology and titles that seem strange to those in the outside, vanilla world, a world that often has less classifications and less formal declarations in relationships. But for many arrangements in BDSM to work, there have to be titles of power and submission, titles that help to clearly define roles and solidify relationships. One of the most misunderstood terms used in BDSM is the term, Mistress. Confusion comes from those that either donít understand the BDSM community or donít realize itís departure from the outside world. A Mistress in BDSM is something entirely itís own.

In the outside world, a Mistress is a woman that a man sleeps with on the side, most often the woman he is cheating on his wife or girlfriend with. The man is seeing this Mistress in secret, and his wife knows nothing of the affair he is having with her. The Mistress is often younger than the wife, sometimes decades younger than an older man. A Mistress in this setting may also refer to a woman that is not only stealing the manís attention sexually but also financially, and many times these women are on the receiving end of elaborate gifts of money, cars, clothes, purses, and even homes. This Mistress may even be using the man for his money, much like a sugar daddy, knowing that she will never have to fully commit to him due to his existing marriage. A Mistress in this context is often seen as a home wrecker or a greedy taker. She almost never has control or power over the man (except in her knowledge of the affair), and her role is merely that of a secret lover, kept to the side, possibly waiting for the man to leave his wife to be with her someday.

A Mistress in BDSM is something entirely different. Even the word Mistress, capitalized as a proper noun, implies the difference in power of this role. In BDSM, a Mistress is a woman in the Dominant position of a relationship. She is the one in control of the submissive partner, and she owns and has complete and utter dominance over her partner. This partner can be either male or female, they can be married or simply experiencing a play session, and there can be more than one partner she rules over, but any way the relationship is structured, she is the one at the top controlling the game. Those that she controls must always address her as Mistress (unless she chooses another term of power), and she is known to be the supreme leader of her relationship, making decisions for herself and her sub without question or resistance. Her slave will work hard to serve her every need, always thinking of her first, worshipping her as if she were a living, breathing Goddess.

Now while this may seem a different relationship structure to those outside the community, it is not nearly as dangerous or assuming as it may seem. While the Mistress does indeed have control of her relationship, the sub below her entered into the relationship with full consent, and often times this sub wants nothing more than to be in her presence, serving her every need. This type of power exchange relationship fills a deep need for the sub, and the only way they can find true happiness and satisfaction is by being in a relationship where they are completely dominated. While there may be situations where the Mistress does exert her control and power harshly, typically she does so in a way that is meant to better the relationship and create happiness and harmony for herself and her partner.

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In addition, a good Mistress cares deeply for the health and well being of the sub, and while the relationship is all about her and her needs, she does devote much of her time and energy to making sure her sub is happy and satisfied. One way she does this is through obedience training, where she puts the slave through a rigorous training to teach him how to act and how to respond. This can include things like doing chores, saying certain phrases at certain times, and making sure to always address her properly. It may also include training that re≠calibrates the subís reactions to encounters so that he can always please the Mistress first without any interference from his own needs. The Mistress may need to administer punishment should this training not be followed up to her standards, and she may do this as she sees fit. These types of trainings and punishments help the sub remain happy in his servitude, and it defines the Mistress as the person in the role of power, clearly reminding the sub of his place in the relationship. Another way a Mistress helps out her sub is by helping him to push past their limits both emotionally and physically. She may use humiliation or embarrassment as well as corporal punishment to achieve this. Again, to those on the outside of the BDSM community, this may seem brutal, as if a Mistress is merely a woman who enjoys seeing another person suffer. But she does this to help the sub move past their issues and blocks, and there are always safeguards in place to make sure that the situation does not go too far.

No matter if a woman is a Mistress for a quick play session or for a dedicated, committed relationship, she is in a position of power that requires great empathy and responsibility. Yes, she does get to have her needs, wishes, and desires met at every turn by her sub, but she also has to take care of this other person, and it can be hard. The biggest difference between a Mistress in the BDSM community and the outside world, however, is that the Mistress in BDSM is always the one with the power, and not just because she knows a secret. She is the Dominant partner, and she makes the decisions. It is a difficult role to take on, to be sure, but one that offers great rewards for a powerful woman. Mistresses in BDSM are one of the most common roles because of both the benefits and the challenges, and although it may seem a bit different to outsiders, it is truly a role that helps a powerful woman spread her wings and experience a relationship to its fullest.

Mistress In Control